Monday, February 4, 2013

Motherhood Monday

Monday always comes with good and bad. The bad is that the weekend is over and good to start a new week and make it a good one. As it pertains to motherhood, for me, I am hoping for a good night of sleep from my little one. Last night Emiliano was up at 4am pushing me out of bed he wanted to go outside and play AT 4am. I let my hubby take him till 5am then I was up with him. To look on the bright side I was just happy he didn't have a fever or pooping or throwing up. I could of really used those 3 hours of sleep A. because I have to work and B. I am pregnant and need sleep and C. I used to be the girl who loved to sleep. To keep my sanity I just tried to look on the bright side and lay down with him while he watched Charlie Brown and played. With Olivia coming in June I wanted to have Emiliano sleeping all by himself but life dos net work like that for me. I at times feel overwhelmed and wonder why, why me, why won't my son SLEEP. If I could have a wish it would be that he sleeps by himself and the whole night. I started looking for answers, answers to why, what and anything to help my mind understand. I ran across a book by Sarah Mae  and Sally Clarkson called Desperate. All I have to say is WOW DOUBLE WOW. I am reading this as we speak and I am loving it and all that it is bringing to me. I am not alone and I am not alone in my feelings about being a mom. Being a mom is hard work and no one told me this all they ever told me was I was going to be a great mom. I knew I loved kids and I knew that I wanted to have a family. No one ever told me that I would never sit down a really relax, eat a hot meal, have 5 minutes to myself just to clear my head, every watch TV again the list could go on and on but I will stop here. I love my son more that anything when he looks at me he makes me forget that he just kicked me in the face and that NOW I have a pounding headache. When we were sick this past week all I wished for was for him to get better and fast it make me feel so uneasy to see him sick. I would just want to cry, to cry for myself for getting him sick, for feeling sick, for him to stop coughing, for his fever to break, for his to stop fighting me on everything like giving him medicine and taking him to the Dr. Yeah this kid is a fighter. Now that we are almost all better my wish is granted but he is still fighting me for giving him breathing treatments and giving him his meds but I am grateful that he is better. This motherhood life is hard and reading this book seems to be helping me heal and deal with life as a mama. I love my life, my husband, my son, my daughter, my parents and I love being a mom but at the end of the day I am human.

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