Well over here at We are all sick town, USA it has been kind of hard, I am not going to lie. It all started with my hubby then it was my mom then Emiliano and then Olivia spiked a fever and how I have just have been spending my time taking care of everyone. Olivia is what I am worried about because she is so small at night she is having trouble breathing and then she cries and is up about every hour. This is no good for me I only got about 3-4 hours of sleep the past nights and having to go to work I am beyond tried. I am just in survival mode. I snap some pics of the kids the past few days have a look and here to healthier tomorrows.
Well today is my birthday I am 37 and I feel like I am 27. As I sit here thinking about this past year and looking forward to this coming year. September is the start of my favorite time of the year birthdays, fall, cooler weather and the holidays. Now that we are a family of 4 and the kids are getting bigger this is the time I have looked forward to for me it is all about my family. Doing things with the kids, yesterday we cleaned the driveway. Emiliano loved it and Olivia slept through it like expected but it was nice out a semi cool breeze and the sun going down perfection to me. All I want for my birthday is to be HAPPY but what it takes to be HAPPY is the hard part. I don't want to teach anymore I want to stay at home with my kids and raise them, grow our vegetable and make things with them. So I have given myself a 3 year goal, in 3 years I want to move to a different city, buy a house, open a yarn/knitting store. The biggest struggle for me is DEBT my student loan debt and credit card debt. I love to shop and buy nice things that is what makes me happy but in the happiness it has brought me UNHAPPINESS. I have been a journey to find my happiness and I have discovered that I would shop to fill a void at times. I used to shop because I love FASHION but then it turned into something to fill a void of unhappiness. But what I have learned is that the unhappiness comes from the shopping. I know this sounds like it doesn't; make sense but at first it didn't to me but I am figuring it out. I am hoping to change my ways and live a life not a slave to a paycheck. So my happy place is know all bills are paided and we have enough money to live off of and me learning how to live off less. I have so much already I really don't need anything more. I just need my hubby, my kids and green juice. So here is to my year of living off less my 37th year on the planet.
OK so sometimes when I find something I really love I want all of it. I am currently in the process of cleaning out my products (make up, creams, body creams wash etc) to more clean, safe, vegan and organic etc. One blog that I love is ohdeardrea.blogspot.com She is a young mama and vegan cutie. I just learn so much from here and her daughter is about the same age as Emiliano. She recommend some products that I was able to find in my one horse town (not really but for things I need I always have to order out) and love and stumbled on this cream. I love it it is called Skin Trip and it smells like a vacation. I had my sweet hubby slather it all over me last night and I felt so creamy and relaxed, which is great from my pregnant body.
So this weekend I made a massive run to our local supermarket and stocked up on some good soul and spirit food. Today I made me some veggie tacos and boy they were great. Here is what my desk looked like. Even my kids said it looked SO GOOD.
Monday always comes with good and bad. The bad is that the weekend is over and good to start a new week and make it a good one. As it pertains to motherhood, for me, I am hoping for a good night of sleep from my little one. Last night Emiliano was up at 4am pushing me out of bed he wanted to go outside and play AT 4am. I let my hubby take him till 5am then I was up with him. To look on the bright side I was just happy he didn't have a fever or pooping or throwing up. I could of really used those 3 hours of sleep A. because I have to work and B. I am pregnant and need sleep and C. I used to be the girl who loved to sleep. To keep my sanity I just tried to look on the bright side and lay down with him while he watched Charlie Brown and played. With Olivia coming in June I wanted to have Emiliano sleeping all by himself but life dos net work like that for me. I at times feel overwhelmed and wonder why, why me, why won't my son SLEEP. If I could have a wish it would be that he sleeps by himself and the whole night. I started looking for answers, answers to why, what and anything to help my mind understand. I ran across a book by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson called Desperate. All I have to say is WOW DOUBLE WOW. I am reading this as we speak and I am loving it and all that it is bringing to me. I am not alone and I am not alone in my feelings about being a mom. Being a mom is hard work and no one told me this all they ever told me was I was going to be a great mom. I knew I loved kids and I knew that I wanted to have a family. No one ever told me that I would never sit down a really relax, eat a hot meal, have 5 minutes to myself just to clear my head, every watch TV again the list could go on and on but I will stop here. I love my son more that anything when he looks at me he makes me forget that he just kicked me in the face and that NOW I have a pounding headache. When we were sick this past week all I wished for was for him to get better and fast it make me feel so uneasy to see him sick. I would just want to cry, to cry for myself for getting him sick, for feeling sick, for him to stop coughing, for his fever to break, for his to stop fighting me on everything like giving him medicine and taking him to the Dr. Yeah this kid is a fighter. Now that we are almost all better my wish is granted but he is still fighting me for giving him breathing treatments and giving him his meds but I am grateful that he is better. This motherhood life is hard and reading this book seems to be helping me heal and deal with life as a mama. I love my life, my husband, my son, my daughter, my parents and I love being a mom but at the end of the day I am human.